Geezer Driving Class

Nothing like spending a Saturday morning in a snowy Minnesota February with a group of my generation taking the four hour geezer refresher driving class. All classroom, nothing behind the wheel (probably just as well).

I assume this is done nationwide, but I haven't fact checked that. When you hit double nickels you can sign up for the course, and by showing up and staying awake, you get a certificate that gets you a ten per cent discount on your car insurance. The first round is eight hours in two four hour blocks (just think that you're flying coach to Vladivostok, but the flight attendant speaks English).

Then every three years you take a four hour refresher for around twenty bucks.

Over the years, I have had some average instructors and some quite good ones, and this time my luck continued.

But here's what has surprised me at every round of the geezer course - I learn something very useful. This time it was that in Minnesota my gps can now be positioned low on the windshield - before it was illegal to do that. And you know those handicapped parking thingies that hang off the mirror? Well, not while you're driving - they're obstructing your vision. Probably goes for the pine tree smeller and the pair of dice you sometimes see, but perhaps geezers have moved beyond that sort of thing.

And here in Minnesota, when a police person has got some poor schlub pulled over on the side of the road, you'd damn well better clear the adjacent lane, or you will see all kinds of colored lights, and your wallet will go on a diet.

And I was startled to find a new way to aim your side mirrors to improve your field of view...dismayed to learn what I had begun to accept - that I don't see particularly well at night because of the impact of ageing.

Funny thing, many of my retired friends can't find the time to take the course...go figure that out.

What I can't change is that my reaction time hasn't improved in the last five decades, nor has my vision, and the fact that I tend to observe the speed limit puts me in the minority, and I understand that I am more at risk on the road than many other drivers.

But more and more, the people on our roads seem to think that they are in some sort of informal NASCAR race - they shift from lane to lane every half minute or so, reject the use of their turn signals, and their preferred speed is way the hell and gone beyond what the law allows.

SO YOU, YES, YOU - HOTSHOT UNDER FORTY IN THE BIG FANCY CAR - GET THE HELL OFF MY BACK BUMPER OR I MIGHT TOUCH MY BRAKES JUST ENOUGH TO SCARE THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU, NOT TO MENTION YOUR COMPANION!!!!

And you, YES YOU, THE ONES UNDER FORTY - BACK OFF, STOP TEXTING, GET OFF THE PHONE, STOP GOSSIPING WITH YOUR FRIENDS, AND GET YOUR KIDS UNDER CONTROL

Thank you very much for thinking about it...anyway.